She cloaks herself in the darkness - it envelops her like a blanket. She grabs holds of the corners and pulls it tightly around her. She feels safe - thinking that it protects her somehow, but it is trapping her, suffocating her, shutting out the light, leading her into paths of self-destruction.
Depression, self-harm and suicidal thoughts are her companions now.
I'm losing her...she is slipping down into a deep hole. I can't pull her out. She pulls the rope down into the hole and turns away. The light from above burning her eyes.
We are bound together, she and I, tightly woven with bonds of love, blood, and time. I want to protect her. I want to help her but she shuts me out - the wall between us invisible but so thick it cannot be penetrated. Any attempts to break through only wound me.
Helpless. I feel so helpless.
Helpless to fix it. Helpless to make it better. Helpless to heal the hurts that are so deeply ingrained.
But I know the one who can. She knows Him too. He has been with her since she was a small child, but she is running from Him now.
Tears stream down my face as I pray over and over again:
"Help her Lord, Help Her"
"Save her Lord, Save her"
"Protect Her Lord, please protect her"
Terror clutches at my heart. What if she can't take the pain anymore and eliminates her existence? I can't bear the thought, but I live with it daily.
Overwhelming Sadness has moved into my life. I long for the happy times, but I know now that the happiness always had lurking shadows for her.
She is far away from me now, but I see His hand at work in her.
He is the Master Surgeon who, with painful precision, is removing wounds that have festered too long - allowing healing to start.
He is the Creator painting His masterpiece in her soul.
He is the Artisan creating a beautiful stained glass window out of her broken pieces of glass.
The darkness has lifted. It no longer envelopes her. It no longer envelopes us. The clouds are lighter, fluffier, no longer ominous. Instead they offer the promise of a cleansing rain. The Light shines through the clouds now bringing Hope, Restoration, and Redemption.
Hopeful. I feel hopeful.
